Niall Nordoff • April 14, 1982—January 25, 2024
Rev. Carol Kelly
Before we are born, we are given a kind of “foreshadowing” of the life that is before us; the life that we ourselves have chosen and arranged with great care. Niall came into the world, tender, sensitive, and fearful. He was hesitant to embrace this life and this world. It would prove to be a difficult journey in many ways.
Niall was a child who needed extreme comfort, love, and support. He had a difficult time sleeping and even as a young child he often had a worried expression on his face. When left alone in his crib he figured out how to rock the sides in such a way as to make the whole bed move across the floor! Then when he reached a wall, he would go the other way. He was “pacing the floor” in his crib.
The name Niall comes from the old Irish meaning “champion.” How would he become the champion? It would not be in the usual athletic or material way.
He was at the Green River one day with his mother around the age of 4. We are all pretty familiar with the temperature of the Green River. It is very cold! But Niall just jumped in and started swimming around and never gave any sign that the water was cold. Perhaps this was a part of his nature; to dive right into things without testing the waters.
The one thing he asked for was a violin for his birthday in first grade. He played for 9 years. He went to Suzuki music camp during the summers and had some of the best times of his life. He was small in stature and not particularly athletic. School presented many challenges! He was stubborn and needed to have his own way. He struggled with social relationships, rules, and boundaries. He pushed every boundary to the limit.
By sixth grade, he had a well-developed “armor” to protect his very tender soul. He transferred to HVS from Great Barrington, maybe to make a new start. Things did not go so well there either. He tried Hawthorne Valley, High Mowing, and finally ended up at Mt. Everett High School where he was successful.
His life’s journey would be filled with disappointment. He had big dreams which he could not “realize” on Earth. What happens to dreams unfulfilled? The poet David Whyte says the following: “The great question in disappointment is whether we allow it to bring us to ground, to a firmer sense of our self, and what is good and possible for us in the world, or whether we experience it only as a wound, that makes us retreat from further participation.”
Niall oscillated between finding extreme happiness in life, in beauty, in nature, flowers, color, the presentation of a delicious meal which he had prepared, to being so disappointed in himself, in other people, in the world that he would not know how to deal with it except to escape. And once we have decided to escape, the Adversary offers no end to the possibilities.
Niall loved hard work and having his hands in the dirt. Once he was working in a garden center in South Carolina and he met by chance, a friend from Great Barrington! They did some landscaping work together for a while. She said of him, “He was one of the sweetest souls I have ever known, really, truly. He was very, very creative, design-wise. He had a love of flowers and was very hard-working. He was a true, free Spirit, always struggling to find purpose and meaning in his life.
He also had side-aching humor. “We laughed as much as we worked “
Niall had various work experiences, and everyone who worked with him appreciated his hard work. He was never able to stay with one thing for very long.
Once he was involved with a fundraising raffle at the Food Pantry in Great Barrington. He knew many of the people there and he wanted to help. He threw himself into this project and worked on publicity, selling tickets, etc., and in the end, they raised $5,000. Those who worked with Niall on the committee remember his kind gentle soul and the way he cared for and watched out for other people.
He cared about flowers! Once when the Berkshire Bank hired a new person who cut down all the fall flowers just as they were about to bloom, Niall wrote a terrific “rant” on Facebook to express his utter disgust that someone would do that. He was angry but that is because he cared.
In 2018 he had an accident in which he shattered both heels and so he was wheelchair bound for a time. He wrote from the hospital, “Missing my little home and my hometown dearly.” That same year he also wrote: “My wonderful Mom bought me a tree and my Dad put it in the stand for me.“ This was typical of his sweet, tender side.
He loved hard work. He had a great time splitting logs for two days straight with his sister Jess.
In October 2023 he posted: “There’s gonna be problems. Point. Blank. Period.”
He died on Wednesday morning, January 25, 2024, hit by a truck on Rt. 7.
Niall was our “Champion.” He was also our teacher. What have we learned from knowing him? What was he asking of us? We are all here on earth to learn to love. Love does not always, in fact, it seldom comes in a form which we expect. It calls upon us to stretch, to grow, to be flexible and compassionate when we do not want to change. Niall is one of us. We understand his struggles to be in this world because they are our struggles too. We carry him in love as he transitions into the world of Spirit. His love is now “released” to us and to the world. May our love rise up to meet him.
To You, Niall, this poem:
“My own heart let me more have pity on; let
Me live to my sad self hereafter kind,
Charitable; not live this tormented mind
With this tormented mind tormenting yet.
I cast for comfort I can no more get
By groping round my comfortless, than blind
Eyes in their dark can day—or thirst can find
Thirst’s all-in-all in a world of wet.
Soul, self; come, poor Jackself, I do advise,
You, jaded, let be; call off thoughts awhile
Elsewhere; leave comfort root-room; let joy size
At God–knows–when to God–knows–what; whose smile
‘s not wrung, see you; unforeseen times rather–as skies
Betweenpie mountains–lights a lovely mile.
— Gerard Manly Hopkins
“Upward to Thee strive the
Love of my soul,
Upward to thee
Flow the stream of my love!
May they sustain thee,
May they enfold thee-
In heights of Hope,
In spheres of Love.”
— Rudolf Steiner
